Three books on unlocking the abilities of others

My answer was literally true, but the real answer is more complicated. In Becoming A Servant Leader, you will read about my journey to playing college football and the vision of a new car that made it a reality. There is, however, an untold backstory.

I am the middle child, in between four sisters, and all I ever wanted when I was younger was a brother to play with. I could only persuade my sisters to play backyard football, wiffle ball, or any other competitive game for so long. After a short time, they found something more fun to do, and I was left alone and bored.

One evening, after what felt like a full day of boredom, my dad came home from work and noticed my restlessness. I probably complained about my sisters abandoning me or how unfair it was that each of them always had someone to play with. That evening, my dad taught me one of the most foundational lessons that I’ve ever learned.

“Why do you need someone to play with?” he asked as he tossed me a tennis ball and pulled down our windowless garage door. “All you need to do is look around and imagine the roaring crowd. Picture the batter that you need to strike out. Bases loaded. Bottom of the 9th. Up one. Two outs. The World Series title on the line.”

My dad unleashed a superpower. From then on, there was no level of boredom that I couldn’t conquer—math class, long car rides, solo afternoons in the yard—my mind churned as I began to explore my creativity, interests, and goals. It’s a fun anecdote, a little kid daydreaming of playing in the Super Bowl or World Series, but it turns out it doubles as a crucial professional skill. Dreaming up creative solutions to complex problems, planning to execute on important deadlines, and casting a vision for the direction of one’s life.

It was lessons like this that I learned from my dad—how to visualize, set goals, take action—and others, as described in this book, that had me at the time of my college graduation feeling eager, equipped, and empowered, like a wind-up toy, coiled and ready for action. When the sun set on my football dreams and my mind shifted to more typical professional aspirations, “following in my dad’s footsteps” felt like sitting on the sidelines—I wanted to play the game!

Becoming A Servant Leader was first published when I was in law school. I enjoyed reading it then, as a window into my dad’s wisdom and a reflection on how I had applied the principles he shared during my time as a collegiate athlete and student. Now, in a different season of life, almost a decade later, the words in the following pages have an evolved meaning. I am no longer trying to lead a team of hungry athletes with the same obvious goal of winning a championship or a group project in school, where the grading rubric was clear. Instead, I’m in the workplace, just like you, working with a team of people whose goals, standards, and reasons for working vary as much as the salaries they are paid.

As the Chief Assistant District Attorney in a medium-sized upstate New York county, I prosecute felony crimes and serve as the chief administrator of the office. The cases that I prosecute involve all crimes of abuse against children, yet my leadership role in the office can be more difficult. Being the “Chief Assistant” is sort of like being the assistant principal of a school; getting summoned to my office is rarely seen as a good thing. Our office consists of 8 attorneys and 8 vital support staff members, and each day I find myself waging the Servant Leader battle. How can I get everyone moving in the same direction toward our mission of serving justice? Am I in it for me, or for them?

My professional journey has not been linear, and at 34 years old, I like to say that I am just finishing my warm-up. With a vision providing enough guidance to keep moving forward and enough flexibility to jump at emerging opportunities, I can proudly write that I wake up every morning knowing that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing.

So, why didn’t I follow in my dad’s footsteps?

In predictable lawyerly fashion, I object to the premise of my new friend’s question. My career title may not be the same, but striving to become a Servant Leader has no bounds. It is effective, helpful, and desired across industries, companies, families, politics, and everything in between. Becoming A Servant Leader is not an award won or a static level of achievement, but a choice that must be made with every knock on your door, work problem faced, and interpersonal interaction. What kind of leader are you becoming?

Some days I am very happy with this answer, and others, not so much. But it’s the journey of becoming that’s important. A journey that I am grateful to have admirable footsteps to follow.